all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wear drunk well.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
