:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
