Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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