I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
did i just pee glitter
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
