it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
