I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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