Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
