whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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