sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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