Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
