Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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