hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
then he tried to convert me to islam
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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