Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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