I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
