Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
