come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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