She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
