I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
