mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
