Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
