things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
