just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
