Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
