I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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