Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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