I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
