we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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