If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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