The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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