strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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