and you said cock pushups were impossible
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize