my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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