I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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