its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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