barbara walters just said penis...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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