We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
