i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
