you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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