Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize