I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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