He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
