I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
