There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
