Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
