Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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