Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
