My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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