I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
