Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize