Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
