Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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