I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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