Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
