Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
