No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
