dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Screwed.edu
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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