He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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