Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize