How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
