I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
