Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
