I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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