Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
