he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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