I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
