Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
