i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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