we're chasing vodka with high fives
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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