she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
