i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
