You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize