I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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