my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
