You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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