$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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