I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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