how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
