I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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