STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
