That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
