No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
