Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
