Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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