Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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