i was born a porn star she said
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
