she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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