Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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