I think I am morally bankrupt
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
