that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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