Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
