Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
