I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
