I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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