my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
