everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
