woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
