i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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